Bic for Her Pens = Amazon comedy gold

So Bic made a For Her Pen. Let’s not even discuss why women needed pens marketed to them specifically or that Bic makes a horrid pen to begin with. Thanks to the wonders of New York Magazine‘s “Approval Matrix,” I discovered the Amazon reviews of the Bic for Her Pen. Here are some highlights:

When will men be getting a bic pen of their own? All we have is this wussy see-through bic. I want, no NEED, a bic wrapped in barbed wire to satisfy my manly needs. It should also write in beer instead of ink. And it should be usb compatible.

I purchased a set of Bic LadyPens for one of my wives (the one who knows how to write), using my own funds. (This should not come as a surprise, as women should not be allowed to come into contact with currency; their menstrual cycles will curse it and make it lose value, much as these cycles will cause wine to sour.) However, I found that, when given these pens, she began writing more frequently and more fervently. Soon, she was corresponding with other women (via the Postal Service, which, unbeknownst to me, now also accepts pieces of mail from women). Gradually, more and more radical ideas entered her mind. Sure, it started with her asking for simple things like a mortar and pestle (until now, my wives had ground spices with their knuckles), but before I knew it she was demanding to be shod! I blame the pens – clearly they were the catalyst for her awakening! I am currently away on business (I will be delivering an address to a large convention in Tampa this week), and I am honestly quite vexed about the state of my homestead upon returning!

I must say I’m really disappointed that we gave women the power to write. Lately they’ve been thinking they can do things like vote, get jobs, and speak their minds! As if their opinions are worth as much as their husbands’ or something. Quite frankly, I miss the days when the women were at home knitting and cooking and raising the children–not writing. This pen is only aggravating a harmful situation that we ourselves brought upon our society.

I am a female AP and Multivariable Calculus teacher and I prefer to use ink when solving problems. I guess, not surprisingly, these pens cannot be used to do math problems more complicated than 5th grade level. When trying to find a derivative or definite integral, the ball point simply stopped working. I went back and added some numbers and it was fine. I progressed up to solving quadratic equations and the ball point started to “stick” so that I couldn’t solve the problem completely. Imaginary numbers? HA! It was as if I had a pen with imaginary ink! As I moved into problems with Taylor Series, the pen started to get uncomfortably warm. By the time I tried to find the integral of a polar curve the pen burst into flames! I couldn’t believe it! Luckily, I had on asbestos gloves by that time so there were no injuries. I couldn’t even try it with a Multivariable problem!
I have decided to go back to using “man” ink for all future Calculus problems.
I did notice that the the purchase suggestion that comes with these pens is the recalled Talking Barbie that says, “Math class is tough!”. Search for a video of that excellent product!

Seriously, I am completely shocked there was no health warning on the side. I picked these up in my local smiths, just in a hurry to grab some new biros for my husband and not really paying attention to the packet. Within 2 weeks of him using them my husband was wearing stylish clothes, writing poetry, noticing how nice my hair is and wanting to hug and talk about feelings all the time. I just can’t cope with it and now his mates have disowned him too. To top it all off he has just been banned from our local football ground for stealing used football shirts so that he could wash the stains out. I have switched him back to normal “manly” pens now but I fear he may never recover. It’s just not what you expect from innocently using a biro and I hope that this product will carry a health warning very soon.

I’ve been weeping I’ve been laughing so hard at the comments. It’s like the whole of Amazon got in on the joke at once. The last two are I think my favorites–the pen exploding into flames doing complex math is hilarious. If only every boneheaded move made a corporation produced such gleeful mocking.

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